October 2020

Mid October

Every month, even every day ushers in a new national observance that allows us a free cup of coffee (thanks, Dunkin) or free whatever. October boasts a long list of monthly titles— National American Cheese Month, Adopt a Shelter Dog Month, and of course the always observed Bat Appreciation Month. Looking at this list, an observance struck a cord with me— Emotional Wellness Month.

Recently, I returned away from a weekend with friends where we caught up, did not catch COVID-19, and imbibed some drinks. A topic of conversation was seasonal affective disorder and how we can all combat the long winter ahead of seeing fewer friends and relatives. An FDA lamp was deemed the most appropriate and was obviously immediately purchased.

Descending into the physical darkness of winter, some decisions haunt me. Maybe it’s the month of October and the official start of spooky season. The haunting is the ending of a friendship. I guess this is my first cut and dry break-up with a friend— a fri-ending as it were. This fri-ending was probably a long time coming but even knowing that doesn’t lessen the pain and heartache that will fill the darkness of the impending winter.

As a child, your friendships are dictated by your guardians and location — school, playgrounds, and mandated sports.

Now as an adult, friendships are chosen, sought, and worked on because you mutually deem the exercise worthy. Work and effort is put forward by both sides. No longer are friendships dictated by your circumstances. Friendships are determined by your decisions and actions. In the case mentioned above, our friendship was full of laughter, tears, and memories together but it didn’t seem worthy by either of our actions. Hangs rescheduled, texts and calls left unanswered and unreturned. It all began to hurt too much.

During this month of Emotional Wellness, I will begin using the FDA approved light to combat SAD and begin to consider my hauntings… and my blessings.